"Why Does Dad Work So Much?" - And Why Most Engineers Don't
On ambition, optimization, and what I might be getting wrong about the founder path
My 6-year-old asked me this last week. Not in a sad way, more in a curious way. “Why does dad work so much?”
I gave her the parent-approved answer about building something important, but the question stuck with me. Not because I felt guilty (though maybe I should), but because it made me realize something: I’m surrounded by brilliant engineers who could do exactly what I’m doing. But they don’t.
And I genuinely want to get some answers.
I’m Not The Only One
Here’s the thing: I work every waking hour, 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. People talk about 996 culture, I’m way past that. I’ve sacrificed personal time, family time, all of it. I’m building what I believe to be the next unicorn, from managing infrastructure, writing code, dealing with real users, fighting fires at 2am. The whole founder playbook.
But I’m not doing anything a great engineer couldn’t do. The engineers I work with, the ones I see in my network, many of them are smart, experienced, better at building. They have the skills, they understand the market, they could raise money if they wanted to.
They just… don’t want to?
The Question That Won’t Leave Me Alone
I need to be clear: I’m not saying my way is right. I’m not saying everyone should be grinding like this. Maybe they’re the smart ones and I’m the idiot. But I genuinely curious what they’re optimizing for.
So I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Here are my theories:
The Stability Arbitrage
Maybe the math just makes sense? If you’re a senior engineer at a decent company, you’re making above $100K, for senior engineers maybe even $200K-300K, FAANG engineers maybe $400K. You work 40 hours a week. You get healthcare, equity that might actually be worth something, and you go home at 6pm.
Why would you trade that for:
Zero guaranteed income
80+ hours weeks
A 90% chance of failure
Explaining to investors why your metrics aren’t growing fast enough
When you put it that way, the engineer is being rational and I’m being insane.
Craft Over Outcome
Some engineers genuinely love the building more than the winning. They want to solve interesting technical problems, not deal with fundraising, hiring, firing, customer support, marketing, and all the other founder bullshit.
I get this. There are days when I miss just coding. But I want to win. I want to build something that matters at scale. Don’t they?
Or do they have a different definition of winning?
Time Leverage
Here’s one that keeps me up at night: what if they’re playing a smarter game?
They work 40 hours for someone else, make great money, then spend their remaining time on things that actually matter to them. Family, hobbies, side projects on their own terms. Learning new tech because it’s interesting, not because they need to ship a feature.
Meanwhile I’m working 100 hours week, have no personal time, stressed about burn rate and user retention.
Who’s actually winning here?
Risk-Adjusted Ambition
Maybe they’re just as ambitious as me, but they’re better at math. They can calculate expected value. They see that the founder path has:
Higher upside (maybe)
Much higher risk
Guaranteed suffering
Opportunity cost of stable comp
And they decide it’s not worth the gamble. Especially if they have family, mortgage, or other commitments to think about.
I’m Looking for Answers
I don’t actually know, that’s the truth. These are all just theories, I’m making assumptions.
So here’s what I’m going to do: Over the next 3-4 weeks, I’m going to interview engineers. Not to convince them they’re wrong. Not to tell them they should be founders. But to genuinely understand what they’re optimizing for.
I want to talk to:
Senior engineers who could easily be founders but choose not to
Technical cofounders who stepped back to IC roles
Engineers running profitable side projects they won’t scale
Anyone who’s thought deeply about this choice
If that’s you, I want to hear from you.
Reply to this, DM me, tell me:
What does ambition mean to you?
What would it take for you to go all-in on something of your own?
What do you think I’m missing about the founder path?
I’ll share what I learn in a follow up post. And maybe, hopefully, I’ll understand something I don’t right now.
Because my kid’s question deserve a better answer than “Dad just likes to work a lot”.
Maybe the real answer is “Dad chose one path, and there are lots of other good ones“.
Let’s find out.